Raki News Acquired by Sony Online Entertainment

Stockholm, Apr 1, 2009

Sony Online Entertainment (SOE), a division of Sony Corporation, has acquired Raki News as of today. According to Sony public relations, this is the first in a row of upcoming acquisitions in order to consolidate its reputation and homogenize the dissemination of information and opinions.

To facilitate this acquisition, SOE devised a legal strategy based on successful precedents set by the RIAA and MPAA, and performed a flawless corporate takeover in the wake of the legal proceedings.

Raki News has in earlier reports and news shows made gratuitous use of the trademarked letters S, O and E. In a DMCA takedown note followed by a lawsuit, Sony Online Entertainment lawyers claimed that use of any or all of these letters without written permission was causing severe damage to the company's intellectual property and therefore, SOE would seek the maximum damage of $750,000 per instance of each usage of the letter.

Raki News, based in Sweden with servers located in Germany, is not subject to American jurisdiction and therefore the $73,947,750,000 (€724.20) lawsuit was dismissed as "somewhat frivolous, duh" [sic] but legal fees of $23.50 (Roughly €0.00) had already broken the finances of Raki News, and SOE lawyers therefore managed to generously accommodate a settlement, acquiring Raki News and taking on the legal fees.

This is a great victory for fairness and the legal system, and a spokesman for SOE claims that it will rectify all web sites and forum entries using this method and adds "Heck, we took down Raki News, soon to be followed by the Pirate Bay. Not even Swedish laws can protect you! Nyah nyah, pwwwwwnedz0r!"

Chama C. Fox, news anchor, editor and former owner of Raki News claims in a totally voluntary and uncoerced statement: "I for one welcome our new corporate overlords"